Simple Plan(s)

I know what the band meant by the name choice now.

I have been pretty inconsistent about writing on Substack.

Admittedly, it’s because I wanted this to be a relaxed space and more of an exercise for myself, using a part of my brain that often gets untouched as a graphic designer. So when an idea comes to mind, or I feel like writing, it’ll happen naturally. This is a free Substack after all — and quite frankly, I’m not sure I have the chops to be anything more than an amateur writer (short-lived journalism major here).

But really, I have to chalk my inconsistency up to fact that lately, I’m confused about goal-setting.

Like many aspirational twenty-something year olds, I have been guilty of creating vision boards and lists of endless to-dos on only to look back and realize I probably only achieved twenty-percent of those goals.

While a twenty-percent success rate is something to be proud of, I realize more and more that lists can be somewhat anxiety inducing for me. Granted, they are also an incredibly important way to stay organized and have some sort of self-measuring system. But will I really be a more complete person if I cross off a slew of numbered items? And is it fair to boil down my time and aspirations to itemization?

It’s not that I don’t have ambitions or larger than life ideas. It’s just that the Pinterest-esque way of keeping tabs on them isn’t what works for me. Some might call that being scatterbrained, but I feel like it’s an understanding that goals and plans are subject to change, the same way we are.

I remember being told by my teachers in school that writing everything down in a planner was the requisite for success. By the time high school rolled around, my cutesy, off brand, Erin Condren-type planners were practically empty. I really did want to be a person who took “planning” seriously. I admired people who wrote so many words down in their agendas that they even had to add inserts to fit the extra scribbles in.

But that wasn’t me. It’s still not me. I don’t feel like my personal time or goals should be slated in one way or another because life never goes the way you think it will. It’s messy and unpredictable. Sometimes people need a chunk of your time when you’re unprepared to give it. Sometimes your monthly budget gets blown and it’s completely out of your hands. Sometimes your flight is delayed because of a volcanic eruption in Mexico City…

You have to be okay shifting your priorities; you have to be adaptable.

Sure, you could create a really strong counter here — and I am willing to listen — because there’s the accountability aspect that needs to be factored in (like being a person who gets sh*t done).

Anecdotally, I tried to be that methodical person and have our entire year planned by March. The objective was to make sure Garrett and I could get ahead of the inevitable events that might end up shaping our year: Banjo, weddings, family obligations — and still be able to travel and spend some quality time together within the limitations of our PTO. I can now firmly say, five months into this year, so much has already shifted in our sphere.

My Type A planning, something often thought to be a strength, hasn’t allowed us to account for the spanner life has already thrown our way these past few weeks: an unforeseen funeral and a last-minute wedding. Both of which, we are missing due to my detail-obsessed planning in 2024. And if you know my personality, it doesn’t make all that much sense. I can be laid back to a fault! And I want to be able to RSVP yes to the people I care about!

My mom operates in the same free-flowing way as me. I vaguely remember her keeping a notepad in the kitchen to jot down phone numbers or grocery lists haphazardly, but I don’t remember a time in recent memory where I saw her handwrite anything that wasn’t related to food. Perhaps, it’s inherited. After all, my family runs on loose itineraries and being perpetually late to everything.

Yes, I’m aware that life piles up the older you get, and that there are factors that thwart self-seeking goals: new responsibilities, financial limitations, a growing family — all very important things to keep track of. But it still poses the question: can over-planning become a character flaw? How can we really be present if we are constantly busy?

I understand the purpose of goal-setting, and I truly do prescribe to the idea that you can make things happen just by envisioning them. But maybe, I’m not the type of person who needs to jot everything down in my journal in order to refer back to it on days when I am measuring myself. Maybe planning my year so far in advance will force me to be a person who has to say “no” more often than “yes”. But I’m not sure I’m ready to be that person to the people in my life. And yet, it might not be my decision anymore. It might just be a hard truth about growing up.

It sounds cynical. But there’s a duality that exists at our current age and stage of life. Garrett and I don’t have kids yet (dog aside), so technically I should be able to do things last minute. But expecting me to do things last minute, doesn’t acknowledge my time (or desires).

The only solution is striking a balance somewhere. This might seem obvious, but it’s actually hard to achieve because we often tend to skew one way or another out of habit. (Plan every little detail and be humbled when a curveball gets thrown; or don’t make plans at all and suddenly time becomes relationally unproductive).

Neither lifestyle is wrong, it’s just that they each come with weak underbellies and confusing outcomes. How can you expect to be intentional with your time if you don’t have that time to begin with?

The annoying adage “A for effort” is about as close as I can get to finding the right answer for my current relationship with time and goal-setting. It’s organic and takes into account any surprises (a delicious combo solution for my unreasonable philosophical deep-dive this AM!). It also considers that failure is a part of the DNA of aspiring to anything (high-yielding or not).

Ultimately, I have to give myself grace and acknowledge my efforts at showing up in my life and making sh*t happen this year, regardless of what that does or doesn’t look like on paper. I approached my goals and schedule differently which has allowed me to create space for my personal life neatly, tidily, and secure with a bow on top! Not last-minute, but thought out, intentional, and researched. No pre-planned New Year’s resolutions this year, but a recycling of last year’s list, taking into account the few changes that happened in 2023.

I am always striving to be myself after all, but inching closer to betterment: better applied, better directed, better use of energy given — that much at least is etched into my brain permanently so I won’t forget.

And if for some strange reason I do, Garrett will remind me to read The Alchemist again. As he does every year.